It's Bittersweet.....

and a bit painful. I can not get this man off my mind no matter how hard I try I know in my heart that nothing will ever come of this. I am in love alone and I have known it from the start but I do not know what to do about it. I have no idea how we I am going to deal with this. He's nice enough about it but I have this strange feeling every time I talk to him that he's trying to come up with a way to let me down easy. I mean to fade me out actually. I know I did this to myself and that makes it hurt even worse. I can not begin to describe the pain that I am in and I did it to myself.

I have no idea how to snap out of this. I find myself listening to sappy old love songs all day long as I attempt to work. Not that I have much work to do at the moment it's mostly waiting. As you can see I'm blogging at the moment. I am preparing to heal my heart because I know that in just a little while it is going to shatter into a million pieces which is beyond my control. I know the outcome is not up to me because if it was I'd go back in time and stop the fall from starting. I can't do that though. Instead I'm just going to read my book about a child that grew up without knowing he was on the Autistic spectrum.

So far the plan is to read both his book, hunt down his brother's book and read all three. Well, it's not like I don't spend a lot of time in waiting rooms.