Sunday, October 23, 2011

Nothing Went as Planned

So far nothing has gone as planned for the weekend. I managed to get approximately three of my articles edited and re-posted elsewhere. I did a few blog posts and managed to go get most of the things that we need for the house. Basic items that we use on a regular basis. I still need brakes and would love if people would stop telling me that it is my imagination. I know that I can not afford them right now but if they would stop telling me that it is my imagination it would make the ability to get them easier to make a reality.


I would be facing difficulty both personally and financially. I feel rather alone right now but that's to be expected since I tend to isolate myself when I have problems that I do not want to deal with. I have to deal with them but I have to do it in my own time. A few are beyond my control at the moment and a couple that are within my control are going to hurt to deal with. 


I know that I can fix this mess I have found myself in but I do not know how. I wish that all the answers would come to me but they are running from me as if I had a deadly and highly contagious disease. I am often confused when times like these arise and this one would not be an exception to that reality. 


I would be getting divorced and in love with someone else. I have been faithful. I am going to get my divorce as soon as I figure out how to pay for it, then I am going to slowly become accustomed to being alone.  The man that I love though he is my friend is not in love with me and he never will be. I knew that from the start but it is still not a pleasant reality. Oh well, forgetting about a man is easy, you simply find one that wants some company for a little while. OK so that's a bad idea but some time out with friends or even strangers can help this situation, or at least distract me from it for a little while. The financial difficulty I am facing will take a bit more to get past.


I have $10 available toward the approximately $141 that I need to fix my mistake. All that I can do is continue to work and keep the money to pay that mistake separate from the money to cover my child's needs. She will not suffer because of my stupidity. Well, I have to find more work to do and hopefully get finished with a project that I have already been paid for. The client was supposed to get me the rest of the work this weekend. I only hope that he has the other projects behind it like he is supposed to. 
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