Odds and Ends

There has been something missing here the last few months. You will notice that the flash fiction posts have not appeared in a while. Hopefully that will be corrected by this weekend. I have some ideas for the M3  challenge; the deadline is in just over two months for " Boys and Their Toys" so I am going to be attempting to kick it into high gear to organize the thoughts in my head. This means that the posting schedule for them will be rather close with a day or two separating them. I am hoping to remember to post other things in between them. Well, I've got some things to finish and then I have to leave so I hope you are all having a good day.

There have been a lot of changes lately, and life is taking some strange turns. It almost made me forget who I am. I have not managed to fully forget however. So it's time for some odd facts about me. I will not be taking questions at the end. Marriages There have been three, all ill fated. The specifics are none of your business. They all ended or are in the process of ending in divorce. I have two daughters; they are truly their mother's children. PRIVACY I would require a shitload  lot of it. My computer faces a wall, not the door so that those entering may not see my screen. What I am looking at, typing or thinking of is none of your business. My privacy has been invaded more times than I care to count, and I teach my children privacy above stranger danger, especially the autistic child. If you do not know what privacy is you will not know when someone invades it. It is a safety issued. My need for privacy developed from not being allowed to have it. Common courte...

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about "Bambi" and wondering why the lesson Thumper got is not in practice around the world. Well, my age may be showing a bit but he was told that  "if you don't have anything nice to say then you shouldn't say anything at all." Somewhere along the way we were told to treat others the way that we wanted to be treated. We have all been guilty of doing just the opposite of both of these. Whether intentional or not, someone was on the receiving end of our actions whether they deserved to be or not. We were often told to think before we spoke; whether we did or not was a different story. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" It was supposed to make us feel better if someone picked on us. Did it really work? This is where thinking before you speak and while you are speaking comes in. The kid with the lisp and the one that mispronounces every other word is picked on. So is the k...

Once again I am starting to get the feeling that life is good. I haven't had that feeling in longer than I care to admit. There have been positive changes that have taken some time to adjust to but in my own defense I am a creature of habit. I have also spent more years than I care to admit stuck in a rut. It did not matter what I wanted at that point and time or what I was willing to do. I ended up derailed. Now it is a strange feeling to know that I am back to the traditional workforce after avoiding it for so many years. It is not a bad feeling just a strange one. My savings account is growing slowly but surely and it will not be long until I can afford to get what I really need. Transportation, as soon as I get new glasses. That is something I have put off for too long. I have insurance at the moment and will be taking advantage of it to get my health taken care of. Actually to ensure that I am actually healthy and not just imagining things. So for now it's time to st...

There have been several changes over the last few months. Settling into a new routine has meant that often there was no actual routine. Living with an autistic child with OCD tendencies makes this odd. She is not the only one with a lack of routine. Where I used to get up at 5 in the morning to turn on the coffee pot and the television set with my alarm clock by me for the snooze feature that is no longer the case. I used to spend this time with "Petticoat Junction" and "The Beverly Hillbillies," now a lack of a television set has killed that part of the morning routine. It was and is a strange adjustment to make. I am having to watch television on the computer which is strange. The kid associates it with playing games and I associate it with work. That doesn't make for a very relaxing time trying to watch television especially since the screen is so small. Our morning and nighttime rituals have changed drastically. They are still taking some getting used ...

There were a few twists and turns that I never imagined during 2013; so 2014 is looking rather promising. I have plans. I cannot say what they are just yet because that is sure sabotage. I am still researching but so far things appear to be rather promising. I have fewer obstacles in my way than I did before so that will be a great help in achieving the goals that I am setting for the new year. It is amazing what reducing stress levels will do for you. I am still working on my organizational skills as they have fallen to the wayside in recent years but that is slowly getting better. It is time to focus and make new, happy memories with my youngest daughter. Happy New Year. Hope it is filled with serenity for you.

I should probably be doing something productive like taking my meds but I’d rather sit and stare into space. I have this compulsive need to chain smoke and play mindless games instead of letting reality creep in. The doctors have told me I’m working my way to an early grave. The word is compulsive and this post comes in at exactly 50 words. Visit M3 for details.

He had to be deranged; that was the only explanation she could come up with his leaving. The outside world did not know the torture that she had put him through. They were unaware of all the financial difficulty she had caused and the relationships abusive nature as they tried to convince him to return for the sake of the children. They failed to see that while claiming to be his friends they were attempting to force their beliefs on him despite the damage that would occur if he returned. The word is deranged and this post comes in at 90 of the 100 word limit. Visit M3 for details.

7 years ago today, seven years and two weeks after my oldest daughter was born I had this adorable little girl. I love you, shorty.

She had deleted nine voicemails only to find five the more the next day. The intent was clear in his voice, he was trying to make her crazy. Too late. Though the PTSD and worsening of her panic disorder during the marriage would make her case an easy one when it came time to stand before the judge. He had to be demented to think that she would go back; decades of abuse made her well aware of how the cycle typically ended. So far she was a living statistic, and she would keep it that way. A few hundred miles between them ensured that he would never lay a hand on her again. Why does she bother to check her voicemail anymore? After decades of abuse how had she fallen into the cycle yet again? How has she managed to stay alive? Is there ever enough distance between abuser and victim? The word is demented and this post comes in at 114 of the 150 word limit. Vist M3 for details about Flash in the Pan.

She felt like a crazed lunatic following the instructions she had been given. Who had written this program? A two year old perhaps? Nothing was given the correct name and pointing it out caused a tantrum from supervisors. The word is crazed and this post comes in at 38 of the 50 word limit set by M3’s Flash in the Pan challenge .

She thought she was in love with a man that had taken up so much of her life but the illusion was soon shattered. The fact they could not get along for more than a few minutes at a time became increasingly obvious as his behavior became more erratic. She wasn’t sure what made him turn cold and blame her for things that she’d never done; so she blamed it on the alcohol. This post comes in at 73 of the 75 word limit. Visit the M3 blog for details on the flash in the pan challenge.

 I had this gorgeous little girl who's not so little anymore. Happy Birthday baby girl! I love you!

I have not fallen off the Earth; I have merely been resting, sort of. Writing is now a hobby that has the potential to earn additional funds. I am enjoying the fact that I can now avoid the stress of short deadlines and write what I want to. The kid is adjusting to medication for irritability and some days I wonder if it is worth it. I'm not sure whether it is or not yet since it makes her so tired. I'm adjusting to this whole get up and get dressed to leave for work thing. It's a bit of a strange feeling after working at home for so long but I do believe it's better for my stress since I still see the kid without need of daycare since she is in school all day. Now to figure out what to do when her waiver finally comes through.Well, I have to run finish getting ready so I'll be back later hopefully with flashes for the new quarter of Flash in the Pan.

The idea that the love they shared would ever be strong enough for him to sacrifice anything for her was laughable. She knew she had been delirious to think he would ever leave his safe corner of the world to follow her anywhere. Days of planning her life around him were over, now only the walls knew what became of him. Why is she giving up on him making a sacrifice? Why are the walls all that know what has become of him now? The word is delirious and this post comes in at 61 of the 75 word limit for the M3 Flash in the Pan Challenge and the Deranged theme.

I can’t stop staring into space, the page is blank in front of me and it seems that it’s meant to stay that way. I know that there are things I am supposed to be doing, words waiting to be written but I can’t manage to get them onto the page. I keep obsessing on the possibilities of getting close enough to slit their throats. It’s been years, I should be over it yet I’m not. I keep wondering how long before I end up strapped to a bed in a mental ward. Who's throat do they want to slit? Why are the years not dulling the desire? The word is mental and this post comes in at 93 of the 150 word limit set by the M3 blog's flash fiction challenge.

The week has been an interesting one. I managed to go through the steps to get shorty on a waiting list for therapy services. Twenty-five hours a week of ABA services, the list is a one year wait and the PDD waiver covers three years. That's a total of four years, we just have to find out what her number is on the waiting list. There was only one appointment for the kid, and two days of missed school from illness. She went back to school Thursday rather excited to be there. An appointment was set for Monday to have a meeting at the school. This will be interesting.  I even went over the decisions I had made and am continuing to make. Some were easier to take than others but that's life. A lot of things are ending but a hell of a lot more are beginning. That's a good thing. Hope your weekend is a restful one.

Her courage was dwindling as she listened to it ring; she heard a weary voice saying “hello darlin’” before she could drop the receiver. The call lasted for hours with each of them revealing things they’d vowed never to admit to the other. It was strange how the time had made things seem different; somewhere in the middle was the reality. The negotiations were interesting and they both had to be loco to even consider that a world where they could be together existed. Why is she so nervous about the call? Why can't they be together? Have they tried it before and failed? The word is loco and this post comes in at 84 of the 100 word limit. Visit M3 for official rules and list of words to be included in the next edition of Flash in the Pan.

There have been a lot of changes to my routine lately and slowly but surely we are adjusting. The mornings start without conflict, and we manage to get out to the school bus in time for her to get excited that it's going to be here soon. Mornings no longer begin with hitting the snooze button for half an hour while something plays in the background waiting for the show I want to watch before I get her up to come on. There are no more dogs under my feet (this I miss) and no more overgrown toddlers interfering with the peacefulness before I get her out of bed. Now we have a morning bath first to help her relax before she leaves for school. This shorter day thing is starting to sink in and I'm getting a tad better about getting what I'm supposed to do done. It is a strange new concept not to have to go anywhere after school these days, and all of our appointments are during the school day which makes it strange to me. I am slowly getting used to her missing school on a reg...

When things are going the way that we envisioned them all along there isn’t anything to think over. It is only when things begin to take strange twists and turns with  endings and new beginnings that we actually start to think things over. Questioning the life that we have led up until that point and wondering if we have ever really been happy is not a pleasant experience. Finding out that the one point and time when we were happy we were still missing something is a revelation that is like a punch to the face. Figuring out what made you unhappy while you were otherwise on top of the world is a long fall to say the least. Two people can share the same dreams, to a point but when the most important ones are the ones that they fall short on it’s a long road to the realization that you’re working against each other. Did you sacrifice what you want to be together or did your dreams adjust in that moment? Having children doesn’t cause you to forget what you wanted it just changes...