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Showing posts from August, 2011

It Ain't Easy

No one ever said that life was easy but it doesn't have to be so obvious all the time. I don't remember the last time things went the way they should. The highlight of my day was coming home from picking up the baby from school and discovering a job offer. I may or may not get it depending on whether or not they agree to cover the fee that's taken out of the final payment but that's all right too. I must say them accepting the proposal would take a bit of stress off of me for next month and make it a smaller amount of money that I have to come up with.

I heard some wonderful news when I picked the baby up from school today. She is more vocal. She opinions that she's not afraid to share and like me the teacher loves the talking but isn't always sure that she likes what she has to say. I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

I managed four articles this morning before I ever went to pick her up and a load of laundry. I also updated another one of my blogs, be…

Why Does Loving Someone Always Hurt So Much

Have you ever noticed that when you love someone or are "in love" with someone there is a constant aching feeling when they aren't around? The dull ache is like a knife right to the soul. I can not imagine why something that can make us so happy at times would end up making us so sad as well. Is this really the way that it's supposed to be? Are we supposed to feel a connection to someone that is so strong we can't even think straight when we do not hear the sound of their voice? Are we supposed to panic when so much as suspect that they may be in harms way? I mean really is loving someone supposed to hurt so much?

What happens when we fall in love with someone that we know we can't have? Are we supposed to wait forever or move on being unfair to whoever we are with because we know deep in our hearts that we can not actually feel a love that deep for them? Is it fair to be trapped in love with someone that you can never have? No it's not but that's lif…

Thursday's One Day Closer to Friday

It's Thursday and that means only one appointment, then Friday and then the weekend. I spent yesterday sick so we didn't even have our regular appointments but we'll have it today. And in the meantime I'll clean my house, write a bit and attempt to figure out this mess I made with the bills. Praying for a private client and hopefully it'll get results. I can only do one thing at a time so I have to be careful when I bid.

I have to wash a ton of dishes from when I was sick, they're stacked all over the counter, lovely. I seem to be having connection issues today so I may just close the Internet and work.

Hoping this'll be a restful Saturday

It's Saturday but I have yet to determine if it's going to be a peaceful one. I need to work but I really don't feel much like it today. I woke up before 7a.m. and I'm still not sure how I feel about that. Groggy would be the one word I'd use to describe how I feel right this minute. I should work some today but I'm not really in the mood. I need to clean the house but again I'm not in the mood. I did manage to start a load of laundry but now I'm wondering why I started it when I don't feel like finishing it.

I spent the week rather irritated but something tells me that next week will be better. At least I hope that it will. I found out which class Theresa is in this year, and it's only a half day which means that she'll still have all her outside therapy on schedule. I also found out that our private OT is going to be her OT in the school this year! I'm loving that!

I have plans for the work week but I'm not sure that there going to…


Wouldn't it be nice if things really were random? I like to think that sometimes they are but it usually seems more like every detail was plotted and planned to the very last detail. I'm not sure at times how I feel about that. Sometimes we meet people that make us feel amazing and other times those same people can make us feel like death warmed over as if they were sucking the life out of you. Then there are those that you meet and you feel as if you've known them forever.

Why is it that these connections are made? I have no idea, I'm seriously asking because it seems strange to me how one minute someone can be a stranger and the next minute they can be your best friend. I have no idea but I know a few years ago I never would have asked this question.

Life is kind of like a play with a bad script most of the time. I have no idea what but things just seem to work out like that. I'm sorry that there is always something that has to come first though. I would love to …

Love Hate Relationship with the Morning

For years now I have had a sort of love/hate relationship with mornings. On one hand I enjoy sleeping in until noon, on the other I have children and can't do that. One of two things typically happens each day or actually one of three. What are they?
1. I typically oversleep and run around the house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get out the door in time.
2. I wake up on time and still end up running behind as I attempt to relax just a few minutes before I get the baby up.
3. I wake up early enough to enjoy my coffee and check my email before anyone else gets up only to be so tired mid-day that I can barely keep my eyes open.

The last few weeks I've been attempting to schedule work around everything that I have coming up and the only conclusion that I can come to is that I need more hours in the day. I was going to go back to work outside the home but I'm resistant to do that. I don't want to leave the baby in daycare and I really don't want to leave…

First Day of School!

At least it's the first day of school for the hubby, the baby doesn't go back until the 25th if I decided to leave my decision for Head Start alone. I still have time to send her back to PHP which is only a half a day. We don't have speech this week unless something happens to change that. We do have our occupational therapy and ABA therapy this week. The OT was attempting to put her permanently at 2pm on Tuesdays because we have speech at 1:30 that day which we're attempting to change. Wednesday we have ABA from 1 to 2 that afternoon. I have to talk to the ABA therapist about available schedule changes that day but she told me that she's pretty full.

I now get about two hours a day alone total. Gene only works 15 hours a week and is supposed to be searching for full time work. I'm still wondering when the search will begin exactly. I'm not certain but I think he's home so much to stay up my rear so I can't have a life without him whining when I go …

Lazy Sunday

My plan for today is to be as lazy as I can possibly be before we start the new week. I have a ton of things left to do and I plan to do most of them. I just plan to do them from a sitting position. I know that I could use some exercise but I don't feel like exercising today so I may not do it at all. I would love to be able to go for a walk but somehow walking around the yard without the grass being cut doesn't sound like fun. Even if I had the money right now to put gas in the lawnmower it's been awful hot lately and I'm ready to deal with that on a Sunday.

I think that I prefer taking Sunday to rest, and I really need to get back to reading my bible. I have a child that I need to expose to it provided she'll sit still long enough to let me read the children's version I found to her. We also have to have time to do home therapy. Cutting, dressing and everything else that she does during therapy needs to be done at home. Oh this is going to be fun to figure ou…

Planning for the Move and Making Changes

As you know we're planning to move. I want to move by the end of the year but I'm afraid that isn't going to be possible with all the expenses that we have. Yesterday I increased my phone bill from $21.80 a month to $32.70 a month so that I could have 1500 anytime minutes, unlimited data, text messaging and web usage during the month. I'm on the go a lot and sometimes need to access stuff away from my computer. Now to purchase a new phone out of next years tax return provided that we get one so I can do more from my phone.

I'm thinking of making my Internet pre-paid but at the moment I can't justify the slight increase in cost for an unlimited portable connection. So far the last year found me cutting off my cable which thanks to my outdoor antenna and increased number of channels (even though they only come in sometimes) with the digital transition I don't miss it that much. Of course I have Internet to watch shows on so I'm not that deprived.

The cost…

The Weekend is Here!

I love it when we have a morning speech appointment that means I get to end my day sooner and get back to work. Now I Today though I'll be getting to the laundry to ensure that it and my dishes are all caught up. I have to hang the clothes in the back since the grass isn't cut and I'm hoping that it's going to get cold very soon.

I have decided that no matter how hot or cold it is I won't be going to the stores in the middle of the night for anything any more. I decided that watching a news report earlier in the week, some lady had her purse stolen in the Wal-Mart parking lot while loading her bags in broad daylight. I can't afford anything to get stolen. I have to keep a better eye on things and stop going to the store by myself with just me and Theresa. I may be getting a bit paranoid but that's alright too. I can be paranoid if I want to be.

I never used to be paranoid, I used to go everywhere in the middle of the night just because I could. I need to be…

Weeks Almost Over

OK it's Thursday again which means that the week is almost over for us and since the little one was sick yesterday it's been a shorter week than I thought it was going to be. I have managed to do some work this week but I'm not sure that it's enough. I have no idea what else to do I know that I have to go through and find the things that we're going to get rid of.

We have tons of clothes that are too small or too big for us. Then there are the ones that are worn out almost completely that I need to cut into cleaning rags. I have to replace the furniture in the living room so I'm thinking that the least I can do is throw out the chair that's worn completely out then I'll be able to walk around it better and know just how much space I'll need in a new living room. I thought a long time about replacing this place but without a co-signer I'm stuck and I don't want the responsibility of cutting grass in 100 degree heat.

I also don't want to k…

Life Goes On Regardless

OK let's recap a bit. So far we began the year in debt and are currently in debt from loans that we had no choice but to take out to get by. We've a payment due by the end of this month and if I do everything correctly it'll be made early to reduce the amount that has to be paid to pay it off. I have managed to get us by with all the bills paid each month and we have everything we need, at least I think we do but there is this nagging feeling that something is missing.

I went back and forth from making my own laundry soap to buying it and back again. Convenience, exhaustion and expense were all factors in the decision time and time again. I even went back and forth on what I used to wash dishes, a bar soap, commercial dish soap and homemade dish soap. After much considerations for my budget I decided to go back to the bar. I am about to put the last of my liquid dish soap into the hand soap dispenser before I go back to the bar for washing hands at the sink. Well, at least…

Finally Figuring it Out!

The idea of placing my Autistic four year old in Head Start caused so much stress that I changed my mind half a dozen times. At one point I decided to HomeSchool this year since she has another year until Kindergarten. Well, she quickly proved that to be a bad idea, at least for now. I decided to send her back to PHP. Well, I changed my mind about that too. They could take a look at her later in the year but they could not guarantee a spot in Head Start so I went back to my original decision to place her there.
The requirement for potty training was the only thing keeping her out last year. Well, we finally managed to get it where she goes on a schedule and we haven’t had any accidents during the day. That is a point in her favor. I’ll know for sure by the 25th of August if she’ll stay in Head Start or have to go back to PHP. I’m hoping that the 7:45/8 a.m. until 2:30pm long days will not be too much for her. There is still a problem with scheduling private therapy especially since th…

Back to PHP We Go

Well Theresa was going to start Head Start but I had a change of heart. I was going to keep her home but I've decided to send her back to PHP instead. I can still home school here since she isn't actually required to be at school yet and even when she is it's only a four hour day. I think I can supplement her education to prepare her for Kindergarten in just two hours a day. We have that easily, it'll just be broken up before school, after school, in the car and table time.

It's not idea but with her special needs I'm going to have to take the tutor option whether I use the tutor option or umbrella school option. I found some things to work on her reading, coloring and pre-math skills. I'm still printing them out and putting them in a folder. The ones that the school sent are gone, the originals got used last week. I'm printing out some sheets that are similar to ones that her private speech therapist has already covered for reviewing. I'm going to …