I am the queen of self destruction it would seem. Funny I thought that I had gotten rid of all those habits that made my world crumble around me but it doesn't look like I did that at all. Instead it looks like I allowed people back into my life that I had once so carefully drifted away from. It's my mistake and I'll fix it as soon as I can. In the meantime I will hope that I have not laid the foundation for everything that I've been working so hard for to crumble away from me.
I know that I have made a lot of mistakes and that my nerves are shot once again. I know that I have to do something about that I think the ability to pay my bills without stress will be a good start to getting my nerves back on track where they need to be. I know that I am the only one to blame this time though. Yes unfortunately I had no help to be stupid and that's what kills me. I can't say anything went as planned and now all my plans are about to fall apart.
I have never been big on listening and lately all the wrong people have my ear. I can not deal with this at the moment and I think it may drive me over the edge. People read a text book and think they have a degree. They need to reread it I'm pretty sure that there is a chapter or two about shutting the hell up in order to come to those conclusions correctly. I am so freaking irritated at the world that I have one friend that has been a saving grace. I can't even manage to tell them just how big of a saving grace they have been. I do believe they have come to the conclusion that I am bordering on crazy and at the moment I can not argue with them.
OK time to clean the house and get some work done while I have time alone.