Skip to main content

Sorting It All Out

I keep hearing the lyrics to an old Randy Travis song running through my head. "Tonight I'm sittin' alone diggin' up bones, resurrecting memories of a love that dead and gone." There are often memories that should be left alone, dead and buried like they never existed. When it comes to my life I've had a lot of those and I find some of them are still haunting me to this day. I have dealt with my demons and I wear my scars with pride but some of those scars seem to reopen from time to time. When the scars reopen I feel as if I've been run over, beaten and left to bleed to death all alone.

I have no idea why I should be feeling the pain of all those past hurts right now. Could it be because I was so cruel as to not feel a thing when it came to thought of getting divorced for a third time? That seems cold and heartless but it's not over the years all the feelings that I once felt have gradually been destroyed until there is nothing left. It's all right though I get it I really do, after all the things I've done I do deserve a few bumps and bruises along the way, eventually I'll learn to listen to my own common sense.

I know that I have common sense but using it hasn't always been a strong point of mine. I know there are "voices" that tell each of us right from wrong, ignoring mine has caused me more trouble than it's worth. At the moment I am taking the time to look beneath the lies to find that tiny sliver of truth and ensure that I am not a casualty as begin to rebuild from the destruction. I am moving out of a place that I have lived in for the better part of almost eleven years and starting over with basically nothing. I will begin tonight to go through my clothes and my child's clothes to get what fits us. There isn't much of anything that fits me so that's not going to take long there. I have to go through her toys and begin to donate the ones that she is too old for. I have an old potty chair that doubles as a stool to get rid of along with a few other things that you only put smaller children in.

I will be leaning heavily on the few friends I have left during this time. I really hope that they do not mind.

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Remembering

I can remember that I used to get excited about the holidays but that was a long time ago. I was a kid and family still enjoyed a home cooked meal made mostly from scratch. The thought of going out to eat or buying frozen dumplings never crossed anyone's mind. I miss those days more than anyone could ever imagine.

Now I prefer to spend the holidays alone with the daughter that I have with me. I'd love to spend it with both of them but that's not always possible. This year I'm taking my youngest to my mother's and hubby is going with his parents to their family. Someone is cooking, I have no idea who. All I know is that they're huggy people and I'm not.

Well, I'll be going now, I have nothing else to ramble about.

Working it out

I was attempting to figure out yet another crisis when I determined the entire thing was basically in my head. The idea of being able to work from home again was one I had all but given up on until I determined that it was and is the only way to ensure that I achieve everything I need to achieve in a given day. I found help to renter this world from a friend.

Achiements and Goals

The last year I managed to meet my biggest goal, one that was long overdue and obsessively planned. I moved home from Arkansas and left the stupidity surrounding me behind. Now I am focusing on the next set of goals, and finding that I no longer no where anything is in relation to the objective that I am searching to achieve. Things change in four years but not that much.
There are still animals in my orbit, or rather animals have returned to my orbit since they aren't ours. We get visits from the cat that lives downstairs, who promptly makes himself at home each and every time. Theresa worries about how well he is cared for while he is in our new home visiting.

There were a lot of goals set during the last year and looking back the largest of them was achieved; now it's time to move onto the next set of goals and reevaluation of the ones that weren't achieved to determine if they are worth continuing toward or if they require altering. Planning for them was obsessive, an…