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Realizing the Truth

Only when you are truly happy do you realize how miserable you have been. I am happy now, and it now that I realize just how miserable I was for so long. It was much more that I realized even though I was aware that I didn't want to be there.
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My last marriage made me miserable from day one. I tried to call it off and was made to feel guilty. I went through with it against my better judgement. I was determined for at least one of my children to have a home with both of her parents in it. I know now that we would have been much better off if I had left sooner.

Those closest to me know everything that I went through and all that I put up with. On more than one occasion I have been given credit for leaving him instead of killing him. It is well deserved.

Money Issues

 He caused numerous financial problems through the years, and even stole from me to feed his need for alcohol. The items that belonged to me and my child going to the pawn shop so he could buy alcohol were unacceptable.

Threw the years there were overdrawn bank accounts. Eventually his account was closed because of overdraft. I made sure the money came out of his paycheck to pay it off. I began using my own bank account and made sure he did not have access to it. It was to ensure that the lights stayed on, I should have simply kept his check away from him for the bills he ran up. 

  He was addicted to welfare, he wanted to be given something for nothing whether we were able to do it ourselves or not. My most stressful times where when he would call people asking for money. Of course he would lie to them and go buy whiskey with the money. More than once this caused additional problems that I'd prefer not to go into but you can feel free to let your imaginations run wild.

Faking It for Public Consumption

I kept up the illusion of a happy home whenever we went out. No one was the wiser, no one in my local circle was close enough to me to tell I was faking it. I don't see how they missed it, I found an old picture of our first Christmas together when I was pregnant with Shorty and it is obvious that I am less than thrilled. 

I've come to the conclusion that people see what they want to see. This is truer when they have preset notions and beliefs of how life should be led. There are those that will project their needs onto you whether it's what you need or not. 

Illusions are Easy to Create

It is simple to create an illusion. I simply let people talk, and I nod every now and then. I've had so many people tell me about myself through the years that I have lost count. Very few of them got more than my name correct. I simply let them believe they knew something, they still do not know the difference.

I am not going to correct them. Those that know me and love me have made it a point to find out what was really going on through the years.

Do you know those around you or merely assume that you do? Are you happy or have you settle for what everyone else told you that you should want?

hashtags #marriage #happiness #illusions 
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