Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Realizing the Truth

Only when you are truly happy do you realize how miserable you have been. I am happy now, and it now that I realize just how miserable I was for so long.

My last marriage made me miserable because I did not follow my instincts and call it off. I went through with it against my better judgement. I was determined for at least one of my children to have a home with both of her parents in it. I know now that we would have been much better off if I had left sooner.

Those closest to me know everything that I went through and all that I put up with. On more than one occasion I have been given credit for leaving him instead of killing him. He caused numerous financial problems through the years, and even stole from me to feed his need for alcohol. 

Threw the years there were overdrawn bank accounts. Eventually his account was closed because of overdraft. I made sure the money came out of his paycheck to pay it off. I began using my own bank account and made sure he did not have access to it. 

He was addicted to welfare, he wanted to be given something for nothing whether we were able to do it ourselves or not. My most stressful times where when he would call people asking for money. Of course he would lie to them and go buy whiskey with the money.

I kept up the illusion of a happy home whenever we went out. No one was the wiser, no one in my local circle was close enough to me to tell I was faking it. I don't see how they missed it, I found an old picture of our first Christmas together when I was pregnant with Shorty and it is obvious that I am less than thrilled. 

Illusions are Easy to Create

It is simple to create an illusion. I simply let people talk, and I nod every now and then. I've had so many people tell me about myself through the years that I have lost count. Very few of them got more than my name correct. I simply let them believe they knew something, they still do not know the difference.

I am not going to correct them. Those that know me and love me have made it a point to find out what was really going on through the years.
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