Odds and Ends

The weekend is getting closer, I can feel it. I have a ton to do but I can feel the weekend and the fact that I am about to have a few days off getting closer. Not off work but off from the real world. I get to start my weekends earlier now since we moved therapy up before lunch each day. I have a ton to do this weekend, if my shoulder stops hurting I have to finish rearranging my living room and throwing things out. I would be writing new articles, which is good. Now to finish them would be better. I have one that will be two when I am done and a few floating around in my head. I am also typing some things up to break down into articles. This is going to be a long weekend but hopefully a productive one. Well, I have to get back to the quick things that I can manage while my little one is awake. I put her down for a nap because she was grumpy but she isn't cooperating. I also took a break to read a few of my favorite blogs and articles again thinking that maybe something in the

That is a rhetorical question, not a challenge. I finally got enough figures for next month's expenses  to realize that they are more than my projected income for next month. That is not a good thing. I was able to look at my light bill this morning and the new budget amount is $245. We were $96.29 under budget this month which is good at the end of the year if the trend continues, bad at the moment because I'll be giving them extra money that I desperately need in my pocket right now. My Internet bill so I can continue to work is $50.50 and I am thinking of having the Internet cut off for a month or so until I get caught up. I already turned the cable off. Of course I could just go to a prepaid plan and only use the Internet for work instead of the million other things I use it for. The rest of the expenses are not important at the moment as sitting down and actually looking at the numbers past my regular monthly expenses would cause my to panic and do something else stupid.

If my computer would fit in my pocket a lot of my problems would be solved. I could simply fold it up and take it out when I got where I was going in order to work where ever I am. It would be a lot simpler life with a child in tow. I need to increase my income but so far it's going rather badly. I keep getting hit with these irritating little nickel and dime expenses that are taking more than their toll on me. I will be spending the morning asking my soon to be ex questions from a job application in order to ensure the information is entered quickly enough that I have my computer free in time to get some actual work done today. He's slow as Christmas at everything and answering simple "yes or no" questions is no exception to that rule. I am attempting to help him find a job that pays a living wage or even one that he can work in addition to the part time job he currently has. The man has had eight jobs since 2005, since I am the one that felt the stress of each an

I finished up the project I got paid for last month and received an invitation to bid on a project that pays by the hour. I have no idea if I should bid or not this particular person has a low rate when it comes to awarding projects. I update a couple of my blogs and read about a chapter in "look me in the eye" while we were at speech. That is a rather productive day for me. I have to rewrite more of my own articles and write some new ones while I wait to decide what I am going to do about private clients. I know that I need to think quickly but I can not manage to make a spur of the moment decision when it comes to finances. I painstakingly went through an online application for my soon to be ex-husband so he could apply for a job that pays more than he currently makes. It meant going though pages and pages of work history on a computer screen entering them into tiny boxes. I did not manage to get my own articles rewritten but that's fine. I do not owe anyone work fo

Learning to do everything alone would talk a bit of time. At the moment I am attempting to figure out just how many more hours I can get out of my day. There are always additional expenses at the end of the year but this year they seem to be hitting me harder than ever. I am in no position to take care of everything I can only hope that things manage to work out someway. I seem to remember having this same problem this time last year, the only difference is that this time there is no changing my mind. I am getting a divorce which will once again make me a single parent. This time my child has special needs that require time, attention and money to take care of. In September of 2010 I made the decision to stop writing for other people and manage with what I could earn writing my own content in the time available to me. That change lasted almost one year before circumstances forced me to go back to private clients. This time everything has changed and I have no choice but to work every

So far nothing has gone as planned for the weekend. I managed to get approximately three of my articles edited and re-posted elsewhere. I did a few blog posts and managed to go get most of the things that we need for the house. Basic items that we use on a regular basis. I still need brakes and would love if people would stop telling me that it is my imagination. I know that I can not afford them right now but if they would stop telling me that it is my imagination it would make the ability to get them easier to make a reality. I would be facing difficulty both personally and financially. I feel rather alone right now but that's to be expected since I tend to isolate myself when I have problems that I do not want to deal with. I have to deal with them but I have to do it in my own time. A few are beyond my control at the moment and a couple that are within my control are going to hurt to deal with.  I know that I can fix this mess I have found myself in but I do not know how. I

Speech therapy has been moved up from 1p.m. to 11a.m. today. I am hoping that since I get to start the weekend earlier than normal I will find myself more productive than usual during the next two days. I have set some small goals to accomplish this weekend as a result of it beginning early. I am focusing on my family, home and work this weekend. I intend to get a good deal of work done as I clean up around this place and practice handwriting and other skills with my youngest daughter. She is the only one at home and it is time she got outside to play some before it gets too cold. I intend to see how many of my articles I have cross posted and do some edits to put others in more than one place. As soon as I figure out which ones I have already done so that I am not duplicating work. The goal is to use the old articles to inspire new ones. I plan to re-post five at a time (with edits), then work on one original to submit for well that hasn't been decided yet. If I do editorials th

I am very frustrated right now at all that is going on. My income is dropping drastically so I am frantically working harder in an effort to make up for it. There are so many things that I need right now, basic needs not luxuries like a vacation although I will not complain if I make enough to take one. I am going back and forth between work venues at the moment in an attempt to spread out my income in the event that something falls short as is often the case if you are too dependent on one thing. I have spent years working from home and the thought of having to leave home and go back to work in the traditional workforce is a rather terrifying one for me. I never actually enjoyed that world for long so it will be a bit of a trauma if I am forced to go back. I would be tired of looking in my closet and realizing that most of my clothes are falling apart. I would like to have clothes that do not make me look homeless, or at least clothes without large holes in them places I would rathe

I have a lot to do, a short time to get it done and a long way to go before I can even think of being finished with it all. I recently closed my savings account, I'll have to start over with it but that's fine. I had a reason and that reason was a good one. It was also the right one. The fact that each day instead of looking for a job which could be as simple as stopping in one for the few dozen business surrounded where my soon to be ex stands as a crossing guard each day he comes into the house and naps makes me all the more sure of my decision.  I am tired of having to fuss and give orders to get things done. If I have to do everything alone then I will be alone. I am tired of the never ending stack of bills, which I'm adding one two by getting a divorce and for the life of me I can't figure out how the heavens to pay for it. I think I have checked all my options but I get the nagging feeling that I am over looking one of them. I have checked all my stuff, I do not

I have been on a mission to take my house back over. I am getting divorced and I need to be focused on paying for it while still meeting basic needs. I am but in the meantime I am taking advantage of the fact that I do not have a current upcoming deadline to meet to get rid of the things that I do not need.  I went to looking through old messages this week to find out what I was looking for when it came to filing my divorce papers without the need of a lawyer. I may have to hire one anyway just to make sure there are no tiny mistakes that can hold me up or invalidate the forms. This is irritating as it can be. Even more irritating is the fact that I realize November will be a year since I decided I wanted a divorce initially. Actually the end of this month because it was last Halloween when we got in a fight and he left to stay in a hotel over drawing the joint bank account by several hundred dollars for about the fifth time. Well, I told him I would never forgive him and I wanted a

Memories are amazing things they can bring you joy and strength make you feel as if you could move a mountain or they can bring you such pain and sorrow that you believe you've been stuck by lightening never to recover. When those bad memories sneak up on you it can leave you in a daze to say the least. I would have had one of those sad memories sneak up on me recently and right into my dreams in the form of nightmares. It was a horrible day and I have tried to forget it but I never will. The lessons in those memories that haunt us are ones that we should listen to. Never letting those you care about doubt that you care. When we realize the lessons that those memories are trying to remind us of they tend to fade to the back of our minds in such a way as to give us a slight smile at the thought of them. They made us who we are and for that we are thankful to them. The idea that we can erase our memories is a nice one until we realize that we need them to continue. I know that I

While I have things stacked all over my living room at the moment the absence of an old worn out chair that made it to the side of the road gives me a visible sign of progress to enjoy. I am currently shoving things in a dresser that is used to catch anything and everything to make the living room presentable. Once the large items are out of the house I intend to go through it. It's time to make a list for my child's grandparents once again. Christmas and Birthdays are close for my girls. The youngest is in constant need of therapy supplies so I'm starting with those. She needs new dry erase markers and lined paper for practicing her letters. We need 12 and 24 piece puzzles with and without the picture underneath. Hopefully all big enough not to fall into the vents. Then there are a few pants, some socks and a pair of tennis shoes that she is going to need for school. If I let them buy clothing it has to be for school or else I'll end up with a million things she outg

While I did not manage to get very much work done this weekend I did manage to get a good bit of cleaning done. In the living room anyway but that's a start. I got a lot of things that should have been thrown away months ago thrown away, some dusting and some vacuuming. All and all I'm happy. There are some pieces of furniture marked to be thrown out by the road and I am working on figuring out just how to get those out the door. I know that I need to find somewhere to put the things that are on them until I can get them out of the door. I had a slight disagreement with the whimpy soon to be ex over men and women's work. He got smart with me and told me vacuuming was women's work. I informed him it should be right up his alley then. I preceded to tell him that moving heavy furniture, taking out the trash and cutting the grass which I do the majority of the time are traditionally considered men's work so he would be more than a bit lacking in the man department. Ye

I spent the morning doing laundry, dishes and cleaning the living room. I was exhausted before I got half done so I took a nap. I am reclaiming my life. I am enjoying it too. I love the fact that I will soon be free of this mess I have been calling a marriage for so long. I am going to get all my ducks back in a row. I am so happy I could scream! I have a ton to do but I can see it all getting done and soon. I have no idea how to pay for all this but it's coming together. There are a lot of things that I have to do to and I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure it all out. I think that the easiest way to figure it out is to jump in head first only I plan to keep my eyes wide open this time. I have no delusions and no expectations just the feeling that I will be getting my life back very soon. I love the fact that I am actually getting things done. I've never been so happy in my life, who knew divorce could do that for you?

and a bit painful. I can not get this man off my mind no matter how hard I try I know in my heart that nothing will ever come of this. I am in love alone and I have known it from the start but I do not know what to do about it. I have no idea how we  I am going to deal with this. He's nice enough about it but I have this strange feeling every time I talk to him that he's trying to come up with a way to let me down easy. I mean to fade me out actually. I know I did this to myself and that makes it hurt even worse. I can not begin to describe the pain that I am in and I did it to myself. I have no idea how to snap out of this. I find myself listening to sappy old love songs all day long as I attempt to work. Not that I have much work to do at the moment it's mostly waiting. As you can see I'm blogging at the moment. I am preparing to heal my heart because I know that in just a little while it is going to shatter into a million pieces which is beyond my control. I know t

Random thoughts can be a good thing at times. Then there are times when those random thoughts can get you into trouble. Those random thoughts that go through your head can lead to questions. Sometimes those questions give you a solution and other times they cause you problems. Blurting things out at the worst possible time is something that I'm rather good at and unfortunately that is not a joke. So my responses are not always appropriate but they're mine and I can't deny them. I just cover my mouth when I realize how inappropriate some of the things that have just came out of it are. Wednesday morning it was pretty out and I was sitting at my computer while my kid ate breakfast before I put her in the tub and prepare her for the morning at preschool. I was going to keep her home this year but she needs socialization. Who knew a couple hours a day with other kids could do so many wonders? I am thankful for Autism today. That's not always the case but today is one of t